


Let Go.

by Gelflings_in_a_Tardis



Series: Death is the Beginning. [4]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives Except Bilbo Baggins, Angst, Battle of Five Armies Fix-It, Dwarven Ones | Soulmates, F/M, Female Bilbo, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, My plot bunnies are dark, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-05-14 08:05:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelflings_in_a_Tardis/pseuds/Gelflings_in_a_Tardis
Summary: Belle falls protecting the Line of Durin.No one knows how she fell until Thorin carries her body back to camp.Back to Dwalin.Kili just wishes he could change everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I keep building such sad stories but they just seem to flow for me.   
> I shall apologize in advance for making anyone cry since I know the rest of this series has reduced many to tears. Including myself while writing them!   
> This was influenced by the song Hallelujah by Gin Wigmore.

The battle had ended with the death of the White Orc Azog.   
Once the Defiler had fallen the orcs seemed to lose their motivation and organization; they scattered, some ran to towards Mirkwood where Thranduil's forces cut them down. Other chose to continue attacking but their hearts were not in it and they were quickly dispatched.   
All eyes were looking towards Ravenhill as the daylight bled into dusk and yet none could be seen descending the heights.   
  
Dwalin hobbled from the Healers tent with Grasper and Keeper clutched in his battered fists.   
"Do not try to stop me Brother. I have to find them, find her. I have to know she is safe and I have to apologize." he shook off Balin's restraining hands as he tried to stomp away.   
The chill wind chilled the sweat the covered his shaved head and the pain in his thigh made him grit his teeth.   
 _Nothing is going to stop me from finding her!  
  
_ _I have to apologize to Belle! I have to make things right.  
  
_ _I need to find Thorin. I was supposed to be protecting him when that bloody prick stuck me.  
  
_ Bolg, foul spawn of the Defiler had helped separate Dwalin from the Sons of Durin and pulled a dirty trick before stabbing Dwalin through the thigh with his iron blade.   
Mahal wept that Dwalin had ended up needing help from Legolas, the son of the puffed up Thranduil.   
He hated to admit that the tree shagger actually saved his life, at least according to Oin if he believed the deaf bugger. Apparently the dirty blade had nicked some veins or vessels and Dwalin would have bled to death on the battle field if it hadn't been for the blond archer.  
The tents passed his unheeded and he didn't notice the others stepping out to see what had Balin shouting after him.   
Cold air burned his lungs and he welcomed the chill as it cleared his mind, made his steps brisker to generate more heat. The weight of his axes grounded him as all sorts of scenarios flashed through his mind of what could be delaying anyone from coming down.   
 _The princes should have been running down by now.  
  
_ _What if they are all dead?  
  
_ _Or just Thorin.  
  
_ _Or Belle.  
  
_ _An image of her laying in the snow forgotten, green eyes wide in horror no longer seeing, copper curls in a halo around her head_ made his heart clench and he stomped through the crunching snow crust past the edge of camp.    
"Dwalin, DWALIN! Don't be an  **serej bund.** There is no way you can make that climb with your leg." Balin had taken on a new tone; one that Dwalin knew meant his older brother was getting desperate for him to listen. And he knew the snowy haired dwarrow was right.   
Dammit.   
Silver met brown as he met Balin's worried eyes.   
"Then tell me what to do **Nadad**. I have to find them. I was supposed to be protecting them!"   
The gentle knock against the forehead was more comforting than he cared to admit in that moment and they stayed like that for a long moment there in the twilight as the sky shifted from light blue to lavender. They didn't even hear anyone draw up alongside them until Bofur spoke.   
"They're coming."   
  
The rest of the Company gathered behind them as they watched the black figures make their climb down.   
"I cannot tell who it is. Can you?" asked Bofur squinting in the dying light.   
"I-I think the one in front is Thorin." Ori pointed from between them towards the lead figure that was moving faster than the others.   
"Could tha one be Kili? I think I see a bow." gestured Nori.   
"Aye then that one would have to be Fili!" exclaimed Gloin.   
Bifur's growl could be heard from the back of the group and expectant eyes were turned to Bofur to translate.   
The toy makers mustache drooped and he nodded along to whatever his cousin was saying before turning sad eyes back towards Ravenhill "He says 'if that's Thorin, Kili and Fili, where is Belle?"  
 "She could have found another way down!" squeaked Ori "You know she hates heights and was too small to climb that without a battle ram."  
Silence in the wrapped around them there in the gloom and at first Dwalin thought the shouting he was hearing was from Dain's Company behind them.   
   
"Is one of them shouting?" Dori's soft question came from his left.   
"Is that not coming from behind us?"   
"No I can tell it's coming from out there. But I can't make out the words." answered Nori.   
  
Dread coiled his chest like Smaug on his gold mountain and his stomach all but disappeared as he began to jog towards Thorin.   
 _Something is wrong.  
  
_ _Something has happened to Belle.  
  
  
_ Lavender deepened to Indigo and stars began to wink above them as Dwalin drew near his oldest friend; long before he had reached them Thorin's shouts had turned to screams of "HELP!". His thigh had burned like Durin's Bane had sunk his sword into him but he did not, could not stop trying to reach the trio. The pain slipped away as shapes became clearer and it became obvious that the King was carrying something in his arms as he jogged towards camp; something small and limp that he held close to his chest.   
"Thorin, lad, what is it?" panted Balin as the groups merged. Dwalin wanted to speak but found all words had fled as his eyes caught sight of a copper curl. Clouds escaped their lips as they huffed in the winter air as everyone came to a stop there under the star lit sky.  
Thorin's eyes were wide and wild looking as he struggled to draw breath "I. Need. Oin. NOW!"  
There was no golden sheen, no malice in those eyes that now glittered with what looked like tears and starlight. He felt like it should have been easier for him to breath knowing that Thorin was no longer in thrall of  Dragon Sickness but the bundle in his arms made him queasy. The Princes drew near and there was no small figure riding piggy back on either of them.   
He knew the answer but he had to ask.   
"Is that-" a lump grew in his throat "where is Belle?"   
Whatever color was left in Thorin face drained away as he looked down and moved an arm.  
"Oh no, what happened?" he moaned in a whisper as Belle's pale face shifted into view.   
The King under the Mountain was doing a remarkable impression of a fish until Balin snapped "There is no time for this conversation! Quickly she needs Oin!"   
  
Running full tilt behind Thorin was a blur, he could not remember speaking to anyone, he couldn't remember how fast they moved, he didn't even recall how he had ended up sitting on a cot with an elf poking at his busted stitches while Belle was gently lain on the cot across from his. They had tried to take her to another tent and he had roared at them to treat her there.   
Oin and the others traded looks of doubt but when he said please with tears running down his cheeks they had nodded.   
  
Once in the tent it seemed like time slowed to a crawl; what felt like hours was in fact nothing more than minutes.   
Dwalin watched as Oin and Thranduil examined Belle, as they carefully pulled away her red jacket and unbuttoned the front of her blouse revealing how a blade had devastated her chest. Bile burned his throat at the sight of her milky skin cleaved and bloody, watching the blood run down her creamy side was something he knew that he'd never forget until the day he died.   
 _I should have been there!  
  
_ _I should have protected her.  
  
Made her stay behind!   
  
Right like she would have listened to me on that one.  
_  
The quiet in the tent felt as though it was going to drive him insane while he waited for answers, the pain of having his stitches replaced barely registering aside from the tugging he felt as the needle was pushed through his flesh.    
"Is she alive?"   
Oin froze before looking up at the Elf King and he knew then that there was no hope when Thranduil bowed his crowned head. The healers took the time to cover her wound and as he watched them cover her with a blanket all he could hear was his heart beat roaring in his ears. It silenced everything with it's throbbing, it felt as though his heart was mocking him with its rapid staccato beats pounding away while the keeper of his heart lie dead.  
Oin's black and grey mane came into view but he couldn't seem to focus on the grizzled elder as things swam before him. Coolness entered his veins and it seemed to beat back the roar of his pulse; a sound he had never heard before became clear and it took him sometime to realize that he was making the sound. A mournful wail that felt as though it was coming from the depths of his soul as his heart disintegrated in his chest, Oin's lips were moving but all that he could hear was the sound of his soul dying.  
Darkness began to eat at the edge of his vision.  
  
Air.  
  
He couldn't seem to catch his breath until a sharp pain jolted him to suck in a great lungful.   
It tasted sweet, the air that flowed into his starved lungs but the pain it brought with it escaped in great heaving sobs that he felt wracked his entire body. More feet entered his view as he sobbed curled forward towards his feet; he knew he should care about others seeing him like this but the pain in his chest just wouldn't let him care.    
 _Nothing matters now that she's gone._  
  
  
  
Kili wasn't sure he had ever heard such a heartrending sound as what was leaving the bravest warrior he had ever known at that moment.   
The agony in it brought tears to his own eyes and he could hear subtle sniffling coming from others gathered outside the tent.  
If he never heard a sound like that again it would be too soon.   
"I am so sorry my lad, but she is gone." Oin's gruff voice filled the tent and Kili bowed his head as Dwalin howled.   
  
He searched for his brother in the tent's dim interior but Fili's blue eyes were nowhere to be seen in the candlelit room. Neither was Thorin's.   
The pain that poured off of Dwalin seemed to suck the air out of the tent and Kili felt his heart aching in his chest.   
Thranduil looked lost on how to help aside from standing there with his hand on Dwalin's bare shoulder and if he was a betting dwarf he'd bet that the Elf King was near tears himself. His keen eyes could see the faint light playing around the elf's hand and he knew the King was trying to help keep Dwalin somewhat calm; the stoic elf was trying to help the best way he knew how.   
Balin knelt in front of the grieving dwarf, pain written on the elder's face as plain as one of Ori's journal entries and in that moment Kili knew Balin would have given anything to take the hurt from his  **nadadith.**  When it became clear that Dwalin was struggling to breath Balin did the only thing they could think of and he slapped him.   
Clarity shone in his grey eyes as he sucked in a deep breath.  
Kili thought for a split second that Dwalin was back to himself but the sound turned to sobs that looked like they were going to break something and he couldn't take it anymore. His teacher deserved to mourn in peace and Kili would do what he could to keep the others away for a while. Balin, Oin and Thranduil would hopefully help Dwalin, Kili could handle the others. He wouldn't let down what might as well be his Uncle in his time of need.   
  
The stars winked above him with cold, uncaring light and the winter air that filled his lungs brought everything that had happened into sharper focus.   
He had seen the blow that had laid Belle low and he prayed to every Valar his **Amad** had taught him about as he pushed for them to go faster towards camp. He should have known it was in vain but he had hoped.   
Hoped that the little Hobbit would survive.   
Hoped that he was wrong about her wound and that something else had happened.   
Had hoped that he wouldn't have to tell  _him_ that his was the killing blow for her.  
Hoped at the very least Belle would live long enough to see Dwalin and forgive him as she had them.   
  
But Mandos and Yavanna couldn't wait and he felt the tears burn his eyes as reality hit him that the sweet Hobbit lass that had saved their asses so many times was gone. He sought out the cold slice of moon that hung above him and he let the tears slip from his eyes as his breath fogged the air.   
 _I'm so sorry Belle._  
  
"What's happened, lad?"   
Kili knew that the others of the Company would come but he had hoped for a longer reprieve before having to talk to Bofur.   
The toy maker stood before him with his floppy hat in his hands, his brother and cousin standing behind him looking anxiously up at him.   
 _Mahal, how do I tell them she's gone? How do I tell her best friend that she was slain?  
  
_ Another mournful wail came from the tent behind him and even in the darkness he could see the color leave Bombur's rosy cheeks and the sparkle left Bofur's normally smiling eyes.   
"No." he whispered as he cut his eyes back and forth from the Prince to the tent and back again.   
The archer found it simplest to nod and say "Aye. I'm so sorry Bofur. I-I..."   
Before he could finish his condolences he found himself caught in the bone crushing hug of not just Bofur but Bifur as well.   
"I know, I know, Kili. It's alright. I know she thought the world of you and your brother." came Bofur's muffled words and it struck Kili like a blow from a war hammer. She had cared for him and his brother, mother henned them for most of the trip, told stories when they wouldn't admit they were scared and sang songs while they walked or rode to make them smile; she slipped them apples or little treats when she could and always hugged them before doing something dangerous.  
They stood there in the dark, sharing their tears and sorrow until it felt as though the cold was trying to slip into their bones.   
"I have to find and tell Uncle." he excused him self from the weepy Ur family hug "He- he doesn't know that we were not fast enough."   
Even to his ears that sounded weak and the gimlet eye Bifur fixed him with almost made him tell them the truth.   
"I do not envy you that job. We'll see you in the morning. I need a pint." and with that they disappeared into the gloom.   
  
 _All these tents look the same! Don't tell me I suddenly have Uncle's sense of direction._  
  
Shouting caught his sharp ears and soon he pick out his brother's voice and Thorin's.   
  
   
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is revealed and no one is the same afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kinds words and kudos. I hope this very late update doesn't disappoint!

_"If you had listened to us none of this would have happened! This whole thing is your FAULT!"_

_"I AM SORRY! I thought I was doing what was necessary to protect what is ours! I did not realize that I was giving into the madness until the war was here!"_

_"THAT IS SUCH A CROCK OF SHIT AND YOU KNOW IT! If you had just listened to Bella she wouldn't be laying in that tent clinging to life!"_

 

_Amad always said his timing was impeccable..._ whether she meant that literally or sarcastically he could never tell but in this moment it rang truer than he cared for as he entered the dimly lit tent to his Uncle and his older brother screaming at each other in Khuzdul.   
Fili looked absolutely livid and the candle light made his mane of hair and braided mustache look as though they were literal gold; Thorin on the other hand looked as dark as night both in expression and mood. His uncle looked tired and the most defeated he'd ever seen; Thorin hadn't even looked this defeated being marched through Mirkwood, captives of Thranduil's son and half dead thanks to giant spider poison. The King had kept a fierce light in his blue eyes even then that had given Kili hope as they marched to what they thought was a premature end to their quest and Bella lost in the awful Melkor tainted forest.  
   
"I-" the audible snap of Thorin's mouth shutting sounded far louder than it should have as his family realized he was there.   
A flicker of hope glimmered in Fili's lighter blue eyes and Kili squeezed his own shut while he swallowed the lump in his throat knowing he was about to extinguish it. His fingers found his lucky stone in his pocket and he traced the familiar runes on it's surface as he prayed for the strength to tell them that Bella did not make it.   
That the little female that tried so hard to save them all had in the end lost her own life.   
Tell them that Dwalin, Thorin's closest friend had lost his One in a battle that she shouldn't have been fighting to begin with.  
He prayed to Mahal that this wouldn't destroy Thorin, wouldn't ruin everything they had traveled so far for.

   
Tears burned in the corners of his eyes as he stared at Thorin with Dwalin's cries of agony still in his ears; Kili swore he could still hear the sounds of heartbreak here even though the tent he'd left them in was clear across the camp. Drawing a deep breath he let it out slowly studying the toes of his worn boots, he wanted to look at Fili, to seek advice or strength from his big brother but in this he was alone and no one could help him.   
" **'Namadinudoy** do you have any news?" Thorin's voice was so deep with remorse Kili could feel it in his bones.   
He nodded his dark head "I do, Uncle."   
The King and his heir shared an exasperated look before Fili held out a hand in emphasis "And how fairs Bella?"  
Tears he had meant to keep in until he was alone escaped as he shook his head, dark hair slipping free to become a curtain between him and his family.   
" _No_ " Thorin whispered in the dark before the sound of flesh hitting flesh cracked through the tent like a lightening strike.   
Hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and his sight was dominated by Fili's golden face, his eyes lit with a new light that Kili had never seen before.   
"She's gone? Truly she died because of" his brother pointed a finger like a sword at Thorin as he tried to stem the blood flowing from his nose "Him?"  
"Aye, **nadad**. She did not even survive the trip down from Ravenhill. They- they think she died fairly quickly actually. I'm-I'm sure Dwalin will take solace in that knowledge eventually but he is despondent. I just-" 

Fili pulled him into a bone crushing hug and he savored a moment of being able to mourn for his little friend. A fine tremor shook Fili's frame and Kili knew that his brother was trying to hide how the death of the hobbit was effecting him.   
"How could she die? I swear the wound wasn't that bad!"   
Thorin's eyes were wide, blood still trickling from one nostril now unheeded and his blue eyes were blown wide with horror; Kili had the impression that his uncle was just now realizing that Bella had died.   
"IT was bad enough paired with malnutrition and the damage you did to her when you almost tossed her from the ramparts. Her body just couldn't handle anymore and then you just had to add more!"   
The hard thud of Thorin's knees hitting the frozen ground made Kili almost rub his own in sympathy but the little voice whispered in the back of his mind that Thorin did not deserve sympathy after all the damage he had caused. Gold sickness, dragon sickness whatever you call it be damned Thorin was to blame for this mess and Kili could not find it in his heart to feel sorry for him right now.   
Not when he knew the pain Dwalin was experiencing. 

 A strangled sound slipped from Thorin's lips and tears leaked from the scrunched corners of his pinched eyes.   
"What have I done? How is he ever going to forgive me? I-I did not mean to slash her! I was just so mad that she slew Azog when I was trying to!"  
Kili's heart stopped and his breath felt frozen in his lungs, the noise that escaped Fili sounded so close to a growl that he had to do a double take that there wasn't a animal hiding in the shadows.   
"NO! You didn't! Uncle please tell me you were not the one to cut her down!" he gasped gripping the elder dwarf's shoulder.   
Thorin shook his dark head as he wept and Fili was the one to answer his entreaties "Oh he was. I saw him after I had turned from killing the last of the orcs that had followed Azog. Bella had run the Defiler threw from behind and as he dropped she looked so relieved that we were whole. Before I could say anything he turned and brought Orchrist down taking her across the breast."

**Author's Note:**

> serej bund~ Idiot.


End file.
